groundlessness.
i noticed the restlessness. anxiety. the acute urge to turn towards a distraction. for a moment, i wriggled and writhed and my mind darted to this corner and that as i searched for the best way to make the anxiety go away.
the edginess.
my being unsettled by the groundlessness.
until i caught myself and paused.
and relaxed my shoulders
and closed my eyes
and sunk into it.
and it was like waves.
deep, dark, green waves and i bobbed on them and my stomach dropped with each wave like it would on a swing or in a car going over a hill.
breathing in and then out, out, out until the outbreath dissolved and i discovered that it was at the end of the breath that the fluttering sensation appeared.
in the in-between space.
what is that sensation i wondered.
anxiety.
excitement.
like the moment you leap into uncertainty.
bobbing on the wave.
of anxiety.
uncertainty.
bobbing with my restlessness.
silently with the sensation.
breathe.
meet the edge.
expand.