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i noticed the restlessness. anxiety. the acute urge to turn towards a distraction. for a moment, i wriggled and writhed and my mind darted to this corner and that as i searched for the best way to make the anxiety go away.

the edginess.

my being unsettled by the groundlessness.

until i caught myself and paused.

and relaxed my shoulders

and closed my eyes

and sunk into it.

and it was like waves.

deep, dark, green waves and i bobbed on them and my stomach dropped with each wave like it would on a swing or in a car going over a hill.

breathing in and then out, out, out until the outbreath dissolved and i discovered that it was at the end of the breath that the fluttering sensation appeared.

in the in-between space.

what is that sensation i wondered.



like the moment you leap into uncertainty.

bobbing on the wave.

of anxiety.


bobbing with my restlessness.

silently with the sensation.


meet the edge.


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